


If You Give a Wendigo a Cell Phone...

by Evilkitten3



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, Gen, Josh Lives, Mental Health Issues, Schizophrenia, actually fuck it they're all jewish except emily, except he's a wolf, josh and chris are jewish, josh wants a harem, she's the token goy, so many bad puns, they're all traumatized, wendigo puns, wolfie is a good dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-23 14:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13192458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilkitten3/pseuds/Evilkitten3
Summary: They haven't used the groupchat since Hannah and Beth vanished, but now seems like a good time to go back to that. At least, that is, until Josh logs in.





	1. Actual Cannibal Joshua Washington

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Me, writing a story for a not-so-serious series: everybody is miserable ahahahahahaha. Me, writing a story for a very serious series: lmao what if a wendigo had a cell phone. Enjoy this… whatever this is. Kitty out.

**-Emily Davis has logged in-**

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : so, we doing this, or what? get your bitch asses over here

 

**-Matthew Taylor has logged in-**

**-Jessica Riley has logged in-**

**-Ashley Brown has logged in-**

**aoc (angel of color)** : babe i love u but it's two in the morning

 

**sassley** : don't act like any of us have a good sleep schedule matt

 

**-Michael Munroe has logged in-**

**hail hydra** : i came here to have a good time and i am honestly feeling so attacked right now???

 

**-Christopher Hartley has logged in-**

**-Samantha Giddings has logged in-**

**cochesus** : dead meme mike

 

**hail hydra** : only god can judge

 

**hail hydra** : also what's with your name

 

**cochesus** : cochise + jesus

 

**cochesus** : it was. y'know. josh's idea

 

**cochesus** : i can change it if u want

 

**jessican't** : no i like it it's clever

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : he had good ideas sometimes occasionally

 

**hail hydra** : chris bro if he could see this he'd be so happy

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : ur all babies

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : honestly chris of course u don't have to change it

 

**sassley** : now everyone's sad

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : well,,,,

 

**-Joshua Washington has logged in-**

**aoc (angel of color)** : wELL,,,,,,,,,

 

**Joshua Washington** : Hello? This is Melinda Washington. This is that group chat you kids made a couple years ago, right?

 

**hail hydra** : uh hi mrs. w yeah it is what's up?

 

**Joshua Washington** : I got a call from the police. They think they found Josh.

 

**sassley** : holy shit

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : omg is he ok????

 

**Joshua Washington** : Not really, no. But he's alive. So that's good. And, well. People will probably start believing that story you had about the mountain. I'm sorry I accused you all of lying. I should've known better.

 

**cochesus** : holy shit is josh a wendigo now please say no

 

**Joshua Washington** : They called in some people who know more about it. I don't really understand what they're talking about, but it sounds like they think he can be cured.

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : good. tell him to get better soon so i can kill him for giving us all a heart attack

 

**Joshua Washington** : There's a line, Emily. But I'll let him know once I can see him. He cant have visitors while he's, uh. In this condition.

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : is he trying to eat the doctors or something?

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : b a b e

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : it's a fair question and one that i'm well within my rights to ask

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : also, make sure he doesn't bite anyone. or else SOMEONE might try to shoot them in the face

 

**hail hydra** : ffs em i'm sorry already what more do you want from me

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : buy me nice things mike that's a start

 

**hail hydra** : EMILY I OWN A WOLF NOW I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : then perish

 

**jessican't** : i can't believe mike just fucking died

 

**sassley** : rip in pieces

 

**Joshua Washington** : Try not to kill each other, okay? Not too much, anyways.

 

**-Joshua Washington has logged out-**

 

**cochesus** : does anyone else feel that that should've been more surprising

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : honestly at this point i think we're all immune to surprises

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : matt i s2g if u just jinxed us i'm breaking up with u

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : but then i won't get to see you try not to smile when i give you your new necklace D:

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : spoiler i got you a new necklace

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : if ur trying to buy my love it's working

 

**jessican't** : kinda shallow em

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : at least my boyfriend has an amount of money

 

**jessican't** : my boyfriend has a wolf em i win regardless

 

**hail hydra** : wolfie says hi btw

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : still can't believe you named the wolf wolfie

 

**hail hydra** : shut your fuck

 

***A Few Weeks Later***

 

**-Joshua Washington has logged in-**

**-Joshua Washington's username has changed-**

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : i lived bitch

 

**cochesus** : j o s h

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : omg

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : good ur alive now get over here so i can un-alive u

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : welcome back josh i'm glad you're ok

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : eh

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : i mean my face still looks like someone shoved it in a blender and i'm still schizophrenic

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : but we're pretty sure i'm stronger and faster now which is good bc if i didn't get super powers out of this i'd have to astral project myself into the heavens and get into a knife fight with god

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : so how're y'all doing my fellow trauma victims

 

**sassley** : sorry for stabbing u

 

**sassley** : i mean u had it coming but still

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : i should probably apologize too but i'm high af on whatever the hell so i honestly don't think i can rn

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : also i learned that normal human fingernails are very underrated and it is not easy to type with claws i tried earlier and i managed to write exactly one (1) word

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : it was a typo but w/e

 

**jessican't** : guys

 

**jessican't** : g u y s

 

**hail hydra** : what's up babe

 

**jessican't** : i just realized something about josh

 

**jessican't** : he has

 

**sassley** : don't

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : do not

 

**jessican't** : WENDIGONADS

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : marry me

 

**cochesus** : jfc

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : *cfc

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : (cochesus fucking christ)

 

**jendigo (josh wendigo)** : you marry me too

 

**-Joshua Washington's username has changed-**

**wendigonads** : let's get this threesome going

 

**wendigonads** : the rest of you are invited if you come up with more puns

 

**cochesus** : wendigo

 

**cochesus** : wendigoing

 

**cochesus** : wendigone

 

**wendigonads** : *foursome

 

**sassley** : wake me up before you wendigo-go

 

**wendigonads** : needs work but i'll take it

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : white people

 

**wendigonads** : e x c u s e

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : white people + josh

 

**wendigonads** : better

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : josh if u really do sleep with all of them

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : you'll be a

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : wendiho

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : how could you em

 

**jessican't** : top ten anime betrayals

 

**wendigonads** : join the dark side em

 

**hail hydra** : join us matt

 

**jessican't** : join us

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : don't try to hide from who you really are

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : the longer u wait the worse puns get

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : you guys are ridiculous

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : but since we're on the subject of wendigos

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : you know what would've been really helpful back on the mountain?

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : wendighostbusters

 

**wendigonads** : relationship ended with sam, ash, chris, mike, em, and jess

 

**wendigonads** : matt is my one true love now

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : back off binch

 

**wendigonads** : lmao don't worry em i'm not the pretty one anymore

 

**jessican't** : first off the pretty one is matt and we all know it

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : <3

 

**jessican't** : second off wdym????

 

**wendigonads** : oh shit you guys haven't seen my face yet

 

**-Joshua Washington shared a link-**

**wendigonads** : rip my gorgeous face

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : oh josh

 

**hail hydra** : uh not to distract from josh's face but where's chris

 

**cochesus** : you're walking in the woods there's no one around and your phone is dead

 

**cochesus** : out of the corner of your eye you spot him

 

**cochesus** : joshua washington

 

**sassley** : omfg

 

**cochesus** : he's following you about 30 feet back he gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint

 

**cochesus** : he's gaining on you

 

**cochesus** : joshua washington

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : i'm

 

**cochesus** : you're looking for your car but you're all turned around

 

**cochesus** : he's almost upon you now and you can see there's blood on his face

 

**cochesus** : my god there's blood everywhere

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : u gotta be kidding me

 

**cochesus** : running for your life

 

**wendigonads** : (from joshua washington)

 

**cochesus** : he's brandishing a knife

 

**wendigonads** : (it's joshua washington)

 

**cochesus** : lurking in the shadows

 

**wendigonads** : blackwood mountain man joshua washington

 

**cochesus** : living in the woods

 

**wendigonads** : (joshua washington)

 

**cochesus** : killing for sport

 

**wendigonads** : (joshua washington)

 

**cochesus** : eating all the bodies

 

**wendigonads** : actual cannibal joshua washington

 

**jessican't** : doesn't the song have a leg in a bear trap and you have to bite it off?

 

**hail hydra** : but your fingers! ah! they're caught in a bear trap!

 

**hail hydra** : hacking off your fingers (oh shit, oh shit)

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : y'all need jesus

 

**cochesus** : excuse

 

**wendigonads** : excuse

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : y'all need moses?

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : not an exprt but i don't think it work like that

 

**jessican't** : exprt

 

**sassley** : exprt

 

**hail hydra** : exprt

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : fuck all y'all

**wendigonads** : hang on i scrolled up to make sure mom didn't say anything weird under my name mike owns a wolf now???

 

**hail hydra** : i mean. he's a wolf. so idk if "own" is the right word

 

**hail hydra** : but he lives in my house and eats my food and cuddles my girlfriend so yeah i guess so

 

**cochesus** : he was that flamethrower guy's wolf, right?

 

**hail hydra** : yeah

 

**wendigonads** : who????

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : oh shit yeah u never met him

 

**sassley** : he told us about the wendigos and went with chris to find you

 

**wendigonads** : chris didn't find me tho

 

**cochesus** : yeah sorry bro i think the wendigo got you first

 

**cochesus** : got him too :(

 

**sassley** : he lived on the mountain and kinda looked homeless

 

**sassley** : one of his eyes was missing

 

**wendigonads** : jack fiddler????

 

**jessican't** : maybe??? matt and i never met him either

 

**wendigonads** : he used to bug my family about the mountain all the time

 

**wendigonads** : in hindsight,,,,,

 

**wendigonads** : we probably should've listened

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : aflbalifvabef

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : em?????

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : This is Emily's mother. All of you need to go to sleep. Especially you, Joshua.

 

**wendigonads** : o shit busted

 

**hail hydra** : mrs. davis is right tho

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : yeah night gus

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : ugh m o m

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : but yeah night

 

**cochesus** : night

 

**sassley** : night!

 

**jessican't** : goodnight, guys!

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : ttyl

 

**hail hydra** : mike out

 

**wendigonads** : wendigoodnight

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : needs work. go to bed

 

**wendigonads** : yes MOM

 

**-Joshua Washington has logged out-**

**-Samantha Giddings has logged out-**

**-Michael Munroe has logged out-**

**-Matthew Taylor has logged out-**

**-Emily Davis has logged out-**

**-Ashley Brown has logged out-**

**-Christopher Hartley has logged out-**

**-Jessica Riley has logged out-**


	2. Once Vore, With Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I had a lot of fun writing the last chapter, and it's helping me move past my writer's block, so I figured I'd start on chapter two! I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.
> 
> Emily Davis: words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci  
> Michael Munroe: hail hydra  
> Joshua Washington: wendigonads  
> Jessica Riley: jessican't  
> Samantha Giddings: sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam  
> Christopher Hartley: cochesus  
> Ashley Brown: sassley  
> Matthew Taylor: aoc (anger of color)
> 
> NOTE: My aunt may have schizophrenia, but I do not. Please let me know if I make any mistakes! Also, this chapter does have some darker jokes than the last one, mainly because I had a pretty bad depressive episode halfway through writing this, so… I don't intend for the humor to always be this dark – I'm going for a lighter tone overall, but this one's just a bit more grim at times.

Chapter Two: Once Vore, With Feeling

 

 

**-Joshua Washingon has logged in-**

**-Samantha Giddings has logged in-**

**-Christopher Hartley has logged in-**

**-Michael Munroe has logged in-**

**wendigonads** : so we're all agreed that i should never have children right

 

**cochesus** : i mean

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : not now, no, but there's no reason you can't eventually

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : being schizophrenic doesn't mean you can't have a family josh

 

**wendigonads** : ok so that's really sweet and all

 

**wendigonads** : but i was actually thinking that my kids might ask me about interesting tales from my youth

 

**wendigonads** : and i'd have to tell them about my vore phase

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : never mind no kids for you

 

**-Emily Davis has logged in-**

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : are we finally kinkshaming josh

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : my time has come

 

**wendigonads** : i mean i'm kinda kinkshaming myself

 

**wendigonads** : but yeah sure

 

**wendigonads** : oh shit does this mean i have to kinkshame hannah too

 

**hail hydra** : u ok w/ that joke dude

 

**wendigonads** : dark humor is a valid coping mechanism

 

**wendigonads** : but i can stop if that one was too far

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : as hannah's best friend

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : it's what she would've wanted

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : ok honestly????

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : as far as i'm concerned, only josh, sam, and chris are allowed to complain about hannah jokes

 

**hail hydra** : yeah the rest of us kinda have it coming

 

**wendigonads** : r u sure

 

**wendigonads** : i mean

 

**hail hydra** : wait

 

**wendigonads** : ur the one she

 

**hail hydra** : every decision i've ever made was a bad one

 

**wendigonads** : FELL for

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : that's. really bad josh

 

**cochesus** : as if his puns weren't physically painful enough already

 

**cochesus** : but honestly beth is gonna kinkshame both of you in the afterlife

 

**wendigonads** : oh yeah speaking of which

 

**-Ashley Brown has logged in-**

**wendigonads** : so my hallucinations are usually terrifying

 

**wendigonads** : but i woke up at like three in the morning to go to the bathroom

 

**wendigonads** : and there i am trying to take a piss when my dead sisters bring up vore

 

**sassley** : is that why we're having this conversation josh

 

**wendigonads** : kinda????

 

**cochesus** : i mean

 

**cochesus** : she isn't wrong

 

**wendigonads** : yeah but she's a hallucination

 

**wendigonads** : which means she's just in my head

 

**wendigonads** : i think i'm trying to tell me something

 

**hail hydra** : eating people is bad josh

 

**wendigonads** : u can't tell me what to do ur not my real mom

 

**-Jessica Riley has logged in-**

**-Matthew Taylor has logged in-**

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : i leave for five minutes and we're talking about vore ok

 

**wendigonads** : mom!!!!!

 

**hail hydra** : oh so matt can be your mom but i'm just not cool enough

 

**jessican't** : mike i love u but

 

**jessican't** : u aren't ready for motherhood

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : last time you said i was your one true love josh

 

**wendigonads** : …

 

**wendigonads** : well stab my dad and call me oedipus

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : no one is permitted to do either of those things

 

**sassley** : you just don't want to get stabbed

 

**sassley** : and you call us the babies

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : you sure do like advocating for my death

 

**hail hydra** : ashley why would you let this start up again

 

**wendigonads** : speaking of things ash did

 

**-Joshua Washington shared a link-**

 

**hail hydra** : what

 

**sassley** : omg

 

**sassley** : he really did it

 

**cochesus** : sorry had to go to the bathroom why did josh just send a picture of himself with an egg in his mouth

 

**wendigonads** : ashley told me to go suck an egg

 

**cochesus** : holy shit

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : sorry when was this???

 

**cochesus** : last year. i mean she told a camera but

 

**sassley** : well technically i told the camera

 

**sassley** : let me tell my own story chris

 

**cochesus** : sorry

 

**wendigonads** : she told the camera

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : i take it there was a camera involved

**sassley** : fuck you josh

 

**jessican't** : are we all gonna ignore ashley's implication that emily is josh's dad

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : josh makes the most bad jokes tho

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : he's his own dad

 

**wendigonads** : i am beowulf, son of beowulf

 

**hail hydra** : em's the sassy aunt

 

**sassley** : sam is the orange juice grandma

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : honestly most of the time i feel like the babysitter

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : Big Mood™

 

**jessican't** : he m e m e d

 

**cochesus** : :O

**aoc (angel of color)** : u act like i've never done that before

 

**wendigonads** : we've corrupted him

 

**wendigonads** : how could you let this happen em

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : you fools

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : he's been the biggest memer all along

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : what if the real memes were the wendigos we ran screaming in terror from along the way

 

**hail hydra** : i don't know what to do with this information

 

**wendigonads** : take it as a challenge, duh

 

**wendigonads** : walk into the club like what up i ate half the patrons

 

**sassley** : josh no

 

**wendigonads** : josh yES

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : chris is this how you've felt since you met him

 

**cochesus** : know my pain

 

**wendigonads** : lmao u love me bro

 

**cochesus** : i do love you bro

 

**wendigonads** : bro

 

**cochesus** : bro

 

**sassley** : gay

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : he's dating YOU

 

**sassley** : g a y

 

**cochesus** : b i

 

**sassley** : understandable have a nice day

 

**wendigonads** : hang on is everyone here bi????

 

**sassley** : yup

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : pretty much

 

**hail hydra** : i didn't think i was but i'm pretty sure now

 

**cochesus** : bi af bro

 

**wendigonads** : bro

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : stop that you two

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : but yeah i'm bi too

 

**jessican't** : we are all bi in this good religiously diverse household

 

**wendigonads** : ok but hannah was pan and beth was an ace lesbian

 

**wendigonads** : i can't believe this

 

**wendigonads** : blackwood hates non-bisexuals

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : reverse biphobia

 

**wendigonads** : legit biphobia

 

**wendigonads** : beware the bisexuals they live on a mountain and they will eat you

 

**hail hydra** : "so how'd you spend your weekend"

 

**hail hydra** : "running from undead bisexuals"

 

**jessican't** : one of them was hannah tho

 

**cochesus** : when you die you become bi

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : you sure you're ok with these jokes, josh?

 

**wendigonads** : if i die and you guys don't make jokes about me i will personally be offended as fuck

 

**cochesus** : i'll make jokes about you when you die bro

 

**wendigonads** : bro

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : we thought he was dead before and we weren't joking then

 

**wendigonads** : that's why i came back obviously

 

**wendigonads** : i resurrected myself because you bastards were disrespecting my memory

 

**hail hydra** : i knew we should've made more jokes

 

**wendigonads** : rude????? but also understandable

 

**jessican't** : have a nice day

 

**wendigonads** : no have a mice day

 

**wendigonads** : get eaten by mice, mike

 

**cochesus** : did u always type this fast bro?

 

**wendigonads** : i do a lot of things fast bro

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : no one take the bait don't you dare

 

**wendigonads** : do u want to ruin all my fun sammy

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : do you want me to actually answer that, or should i just glare?

 

**wendigonads** : :(

 

**jessican't** : #wasted

 

**cochesus** : #theresafreakingghostafterus

 

**sassley** : how dare you call me out like this

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : called out by a nerd lmao

 

**wendigonads** : you think you've seen nerdy??? you fOOL

 

**wendigonads** : watch this

 

**wendigonads** : --*--- **-***--*-*-*- *- -****--*-*-*-

 

**cochesus** : jOSH

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : i'm confused

 

**cochesus** : it's morse code

 

**wendigonads** : see now THAT is nerdy

 

**jessican't** : but all u did was prove u were a nerd too

 

**hail hydra** : we knew that already tho

 

**wendigonads** : my dad makes horror films of course i'm a nerd

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : you're goth nerd, he's prep nerd

 

**cochesus** : whereas you are a prep jock, mike is just a jock, and em is just prep

 

**wendigonads** : all of you losers are more prep than goth

 

**jessican't** : my name is joshua dark'ness dementia raven washington

 

**wendigonads** : sTOP

 

**hail hydra** : she's memorized like. the entire thing

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : why would you do that to yourself jess

 

**jessican't** : bc i'm bi and ready to die

 

**wendigonads** : same

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : guys

 

**cochesus** : jess has joined the goth side

 

**jessican't** : *goff

 

**wendigonads** : no please take her back i don't deserve this

 

**wendigonads** : that's a lie i definitely deserve this

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : i was about to say

 

**jessican't** : i'll be the draco to your enoby josh

 

**cochesus** : mr. steal yo girl

 

**wendigonads** : mr. steal all yo significant others

 

**hail hydra** : josh

 

**wendigonads** : does this make you vampire mike

 

**hail hydra** : josh stop

 

**wendigonads** : can't stop won't stop

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : josh please stop trying to sleep with everyone

 

**wendigonads** : never

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : lmao he's never slept with anyone tho

 

**wendigonads** : why have sex when you can have pasta

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : shit u right

 

**hail hydra** : josh i thought you said you were bi????

 

**wendigonads** : technically i only asked if you guys were and then said bro

 

**wendigonads** : but yeah i'm bi i just don't want to fuck anybody

 

**wendigonads** : sex jokes = :D; sex = D:

 

**jessican't** : isn't that being ace

 

**wendigonads** : nah i just have intimacy issues lol

 

**wendigonads** : also sex as a concept is cool but in practice it's kinda gross

 

**jessican't** : so no threesome? D:

 

**sassley** : of course threesome

 

**sassley** : you and mike fuck, josh provides commentary

 

**wendigonads** : and well-timed sex jokes

 

**hail hydra** : i have not agreed to this

 

**wendigonads** : *lenny face*

 

**cochesus** : ffs josh just copy paste it like a normal person

 

**wendigonads** : you DARE ask a WASHINGTON to act NORMAL?????!!!!?!?!?!?!?

 

**cochesus** : i am a fool

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : why am i friends with you morons

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : that's em speak for "i love these morons"

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : it's true but you shouldn't say it

 

**jessican't** : i knew u loved us

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : i would sell each and every one of you to satan for a corn chip

 

**hail hydra** : even matt?

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : …two corn chips

 

**sassley** : true love

 

**wendigonads** : ah fuck one of the nurses says it's lights out i gotta go

 

**cochesus** : bye josh

 

**wendigonads** : bi chris

 

**cochesus** : shit u right

 

**-Joshua Washington has logged out-**

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : do we know when he's getting out of the hospital?

 

**cochesus** : i don't think so

 

**cochesus** : they need to make sure he's stable or something

 

**sassley** : he's josh tho

 

**hail hydra** : a s h

 

**sassley** : i mean that in the nicest way possible but i now realize exactly how that might have been interpreted and i apologize

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : we shouldn't be talking about josh behind his back guys

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : see u tomorrow?

 

**jessican't** : ye

 

**words can't hurt me, these shades are gucci** : later losers

 

**-Emily Davis has logged out-**

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : in the words of josh

 

**jessican't** : bi

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : how dare

 

**sam-a-lam-a-bam-bam** : but yes bi

 

**-Samantha Giddings has logged out-**

**-Jessica Riley has logged out-**

**sassley** : bi chris <3

 

**cochesus** : bi ash <3

 

**-Christopher Hartley has logged out-**

**-Ashley Brown has logged out-**

**aoc (angel of color)** : you too, mike

 

**hail hydra** : are you just. waiting to make sure we all leave

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : goodbye, michael

 

**hail hydra** : bi mom

 

**-Michael Munroe has logged out-**

**aoc (angel of color)** : i don't get paid enough to be a mother of seven bisexual idiots

 

**aoc (angel of color)** : bi guys

 

**-Matthew Taylor has logged out-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: CHAPTER TWO TOOK A LOT LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO. It also ended up a bit longer than the last one. School starts back up again tomorrow, so I don't know how frequently I'll be writing anything, but I'm hoping I'll be able to kick my ass into gear sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought, and I'll see you next time! Kitty out.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: And that's the first chapter of my first UD fic! It's awful, but I love it, and I hope you guys did too. Please let me know what you thought! Kitty out.


End file.
